Archive | October 2013

The New Normal?

It’s been quite some time since the last post and this time I have some positive news to share – I got a job and will be starting a week from Monday! They flew me to DC last week for a day of interviews and I was thrilled to meet the team and learn more about the company.

I found a special gift from Ken this week while I was cleaning & waiting to hear back about the job. Inside a metal pill case on a tiny scroll Ken had written, “I’m so proud of you. I know you did great! I hope you get the job but if FATE has other plans, so be it. I’ll always Love You.” I absolutely believe Ken is here in this house with me and he led me to find that tiny pill and open it, what a gift! It was strange coming home and not being able to celebrate with him. This is my new normal. However, I have great friends and family and I celebrated with my neighbor Alice and her kids last night.

Ken's Pill Gift

Ken’s Pill Gift

I have been spending a lot of time cleaning and preparing the house for my family’s arrival at Thanksgiving. I am SO happy they are coming to visit. People have said that the cleaning is healthy, a way of purging and having some control over my life. I also found voice memos Ken had recorded on his phone. He must have left one on the trip to Mexico before his initial seizure in which he said quite simply, Move to Mexico. Another one focused on making big changes in his life, a testament to his spirit to fight like hell!

My sweet kitty Mila had surgery this week to remove a tumor she had on her chin. We won’t hear back the results until next week. All day while she was gone I couldn’t help but worry and it brought back the pain and memory of hospitals, Ken’s surgeries and terminal illness. I’m hopeful that her results will be normal and that she will not have cancer.

2013-10-22 17.30.10

The new normal involves routines, cooking all meals, walking, cleaning/purging, my daily practice of yoga and of course thinking of my sweet Ken. I can’t believe it’s been four months now. I know that he would want me to succeed in my new job and to carry on. I am bound and determined to make him proud of me.

There will be a Miles for Hope Brain Cancer walk in two weeks and Tina & Patrick Little will be walking and honoring Ken, team name Gray Matters. I’m hoping to Join them.

Miles for Hope Brain Cancer Walk