It’s been a little over a week since Ken passed, and I’m not going to lie to anyone, it’s awful. I thought the hardest thing was Ken’s diagnosis and watching him suffer. Being alone and losing your soul mate, the one who understands, loves and knows you the most is simply gut wrenching. You feel empty, like you can’t breathe and there is no escape.

I’ve started to walk around our neighborhood block and I feel like a character in Dante’s inferno walking in a circle of suffering. I’m trying to add routine to my life to help alleviate some of the pain. On a walk one morning I spotted a cottontail bunny and looked at the expansive sky to feel my breath again and try to garner a glimpse of happiness.

I finally walked alone for the first time into the woods where Ken and I walked daily, Deepdyne Woods. It was hard to see the places we were before, the benches we took a rest on and shared so much together. While it was difficult it was a necessity to both feel Ken again and to continue on.

The bench we sat on

Heart Opening

Yoga was a very important part of our lives, in fact we used to practice daily. Ken was doing handstands and the wheel a few days before his first seizure. Today, I ventured back into our studio and when the teacher saw me, we hugged and I cried. I asked to sit in the back corner in case I needed a speedy exit. I made it through the class okay and the most beautiful part was trying to reconnect with my breath. We did pranayama breathing or alternate nostril breath, which is wonderful for anyone especially going through a stressful time. This increases parasympathetic activity and lowers systolic blood pressure as well as respiratory rate. We so often forget to breathe and be mindful and compassionate. I felt my heart opening doing fish pose laying with a bolster supporting my back. I’m glad that I’ve returned to what we both loved and will try to be grounded and stay true to my practice. At the beginning of the class they ask you to set an intention which mine was always for Ken to heal and for the tumor to go away. Now my intention is for Ken to be with me on my return journey to yoga and to be with me in our practice. I think this will be a very healing aspect on the journey to recovery.

LOVE

Ken’s party is coming together and will be a celebration to honor his life and love…

Ken’s Mother held a memorial service for Ken this past Sunday. The priest did a good job of balancing his thoughts on Ken’s beliefs and also speaking to Ken’s contributions including this blog.

Here is the bio that was on the church bulletin… 

Kenneth William Maudsley

Kebo

Ken was born in Hollywood, CA on May 3, 1970. He graduated with honors from Gadsden High School where he was voted 1 of the 10 Most Notables and he went on to attend Huntingdon College in Montgomery, AL where he graduated with a BA in Fine Arts & Mathematics in 1992. Ken was an active member of Sig Ep fraternity. He completed his education with an MS in Statistics from Auburn University in 1994.

He then moved to Atlanta where he pursued his interests in graphic design and also met his wife Tina. He had been working for the past 12 years as a Vice President of Digital Strategy at Max Productions.

Ken & Tina were married for 15 years and then Ken was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiforme  – GBM (terminal brain cancer) in August of 2011. He was mindful of the power of positive thinking and making every interaction and relationship a positive experience.

Ken enjoyed gourmet cooking, painting, scuba diving, driving & working on his motorcycles, travel, and spending time with his cats Mila and Pickles. He was a member of the RB Motorcycle group where he designed their t-shirts for the past 10 years. His blog, Glioblasted.com, has been an inspiration to hundreds of people including GBM patients and caregivers. He has worldwide followers who he has given advice & guidance to for the past two years of his fight. Ken & Tina’s personal journey and their willingness to share will live on as a legacy for the future.

After his diagnosis, Ken wrote this mantra…

“To live healthy.

To let love rule.

To release my creative genius.

Get better…every day”

Ken will be cremated tomorrow & his ashes will be delivered to me on Friday. Our friend Phil made this beautiful vessel out of cherry wood to hold Ken’s ashes (the top is made out of figleaf maple burl). The top piece is Ken holding his arms in the air & is so special because that’s what Ken liked to do on vacation as in the featured image above of Ken in Maui, Hawaii at the Seven Pools.

I hope to continue this blog to tell more of Ken’s story through the celebrations and then at some point start writing from the Caregiver’s perspective.

We will be holding an Atlanta, Georgia celebration to honor Ken Saturday, July 13th.