Perseverance
I’ve been getting a lot of friendly reminders that I have not published an update in a while. Last night, a good friend asked me in an email how I am holding up. Since I know other people want to know the same, I’ll share my response to him with you now:
I’m doing well. I feel great. Strong all around.
Treatment deals me a blow every 2 weeks but I rebound.
I feel love everywhere. It heals me.
That really says it all. I HAVE been writing blog posts — just not publishing them. Content is usually me rambling about very personal thoughts (that I end up deciding people don’t want or need to know) or proselytizing about health. Upon my own editorial review the day after writing, I decide not to “go to press.”
Next Steps
This coming Monday I get another 4+ hour infusion. I want to dread it because it makes me feel horrible. But I can’t let myself succumb to the negativity of dread because these drugs are part of my treatment and I will be thankful for them as long as I am making progress.
Then on December 17, I get my next MRI then travel to Duke to hear what my progress is and get their recommendations. Anyone interested specifically in what I do from a nutritional and holistic standpoint, I’ll post more about that next time. While I mainly post the good stuff that is happening for me, there are plenty of tough times and rough side-effects to deal with.
— THE END —
Posts That Never “Made It”
Here are a couple excerpts from the cutting room floor:
I’ve been doing the Chopra Center’s online 21 Day Meditation Challenge (www.chopracentermeditation.com). I do the meditation at night and last night after writing all the above [I had written a long post about my cancer being a “Godsend”], I put on headphones and listened to the next meditation. The topic was “Living Gratefully.”
The crux of this meditation was basically: By being grateful for all that you have and expressing that appreciation in your daily life, you open a channel through which abundance can freely flow. That is the attractive power of Gratitude.
This has been working for me all along. I haven’t been worrying and complaining about my cancer. I’ve been appreciating and embracing the changes it has brought to my life. And I’ve been flooded with an abundance — of love, generosity, good health and happiness.
Nature brings Tina joy. Our home is peppered with animal imagery and figures.
Example 2
…I recommend watching the documentary, Happy (click here to watch the trailer). I found it interesting and enlightening. Hell, I think I wept during parts of it — but I’ve had brain surgery. I don’t expect you to get choked up — just inspired.
Flow
Today the weather was beautiful. I spent a couple hours in the saddle [of my motorcycle]. Riding is one of my “Flows” — that is, something I can lose myself in. Engaging in activities like this impact our happiness. I also often lose myself in cooking and going to a metal show. Lately I have been in my studio, getting lost in painting and artwork.
Example 3
Tina’s father helping me with the car.
I relearned a lesson by the example of my father-in-law over Thanksgiving.
He noticed a noise in my car when he drove it, and brought it to my attention by describing it. I claimed to not know the noise. So what better male bonding activity than checking out the engine. Well, I never knew too much about engines. I’ve always wanted to. (Side note to Wrenchers: I did do all the Rat Bastard recommended performance mods to my 2000 Shadow ACE myself.) So after 11 years of dependable Honda motorcycle engineering, I got the itch for the rumble and pride of American-made (Harley-Davidson). I couldn’t afford new and preferred a ratty, mean look anyway so I bought a used ’82 Harley FXR (shovelhead) — a shaky, smoky, oily rocket of chrome and steel that needed a lot more love than I knew how to give it. Since the price was within budget I figured it was the perfect way for me to learn by doing. That didn’t go so well, so it wasn’t long before I tracked down the nearest independent bike mechanic. Ron at All American Cycles has been helping me out (i.e., rescuing me) since 2009.
Tina’s mother fitting her for a dress
The lesson: Take care of your stuff, even the small details. We went out to check fluid levels. He popped the hood and I went to the garage to get a rag. I look back to see him picking leaves out of the hood vents and crevices. Simple tasks to maintain “health” and promote longevity.
While the men were outside checking oil, Tina’s mother was fitting her for a dress. When money is tight and the clothing budget is slashed, it’s handy to have a mother who is a clothing designer/maker.
Thanks for your help over the Thanksgiving holiday, Ken and Liisa.
9 responses to “Perseverance”
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Ways to Help
Your thoughts, well-wishes, encouragement and positive vibes are a big help. Financial donations to my fight are welcome as well. Please visit my Donate page for an explanation of how and why donations are helpful.
Meal Train
Sign up to bring us a meal via Meal TrainMEALTRAIN WAS A VERY HELPFUL RESOURCE FOR US BUT NOW IT HAS EVOLVED INTO BRINGING US SPECIFIC UNCOOKED INGREDIENTS BECAUSE of the wtict diet we are on.This is just as valuable to us though..
A glioblastoma journey 
Glad for the update. You are an inspiration. Much love to you!
Thanks for your posts from the cutting room floor. I really enjoyed them and found them inspiring in little but profound ways. It’s simple everyday things that can sometimes be overlooked or pushed aside for when there is “more time.” I am learning (with the help of reminders like your post) to live in the moment, look for meaning in the moment and be inspired by what we already or are currently experiencing. I like your assessment of how to consider the challenging experiences we go through. The irony of life is that often it is being buffed through the roughest experiences that we see parts of ourselves and our thinking shine.
My “take away” today from the cutting room floor is something I already knew. Most of us know this, but we don’t have a reason to step back and look at life from a distance and get the perspective that has been forced on you. Through your writings, you remind us all to do that every now and then!
The “take away” is that life is a gift and every single moment is precious, and sometimes the smallest things, events, people, etc, in our lives can be the most important and valuable. Keep reminding us and meanwhile we keep thinking positive thoughts about and for you!
Dennis
Enjoy reading your posts as always. I am very interested in reading more about the alternative healing methods you are utilizing.
Happy to hear your spirits are great and you are taking the time to feed your spirit. My timing in reading your post was perfect for me! Thank You for this gift Ken!
I think you are a living version of Dr. Bernie Siegel’s book. That’s saying a lot! When this chapter of your life is over, you need not accomplish anything else in your life. The knowledge you have learned says more about you than winning the Nobel Peace Prize ever could. Joy and peace be with you!
Ken, it’s good to read your update and know that you are doing well. I’ll send lots of well-wishes and prayers your way during your upcoming MRI. Our 21-year old daughter had a craniotomy on May 30th to remove a brain tumor that turned out to be GBM IV. She has been doing really well, all things considered, and has tolerated the radiation and the rounds of Temodar with a few side effects. Her next MRI is on 12/19. Thank you for sharing your story. It gives the rest of us that are in the early stages of this journey hope and inspiration. As Matthew Fullerton (a 25-year survivor of GBM), always says: “Keep on Keeping On”!
I’m so glad to hear that you are doing well. I lost my mom recently to a GBM tumor they found really late — she was never able to get any chemo/radiation because she had profound side-effects and swelling from her initial surgery. It’s so hard to see otherwise healthy people struggling with this cancer. I hate brain cancer with every fiber of my being, but it makes my heart soar to see you THRIVING in spite of it. I’m sure you feel sick and miserable sometimes, but your outlook is great, and I know that helps a lot with your health. I’ll be sending positive vibes your way over the next few weeks, and I hope your next follow-up shows not just stability, but improvement!
Sorry about your mom. Thanks for the positive vibes. I’ll be sending some of my own positive vibes back out to you.