Cognitive Dissonance

My December

Recently I have had the occasional, fleeting feeling that I am in My December.* I dismiss the feeling easily after giving it brief consideration and get back to focusing on feelings of well-being.

The other day, I glanced at the microwave to see what time it was, and the display read… END. (Creepy)



But now that I’m telling you about it, I’ll admit it worries me a little bit. And in addition to that, I’ve got some notable symptoms going on: a low white blood cell count, a couple days of inexplicably, constantly bloodshot eyes and possibly some blood in urine and stool. Pretty scary, huh? No, not really. It’s minor. I have no pain and I feel pretty good.


I have an appointment with my oncologist in the morning. I really need to see my white blood cell count rebound. So I won’t bid you a Happy New Year just yet. I’ll post the outcome of my appointment before then.

My disposition has not changed. Another Spring is around the corner for me!

Come what may,

*I think “December” is a common metaphor for nearing the end. I mention this in case my intention wasn’t clear. Hey, I studied math and art. I know little of language and literature. (Hell, I know little of math or art too.) However, I am learning a bit about quantum physics, metaphysics, nutrition, compassion and Love.


Tina snapped a photo of me painting labels for the 2012 batch of Kill-u-a. Notice that I’ve had to resort to using reading glasses. At least it makes me feel like I’m getting to experience “old-age” a bit.




9 responses to “Cognitive Dissonance”

  1. Linzy says :

    Praying for your health Ken……I am curious, what is Kill-U-A?

    • Ken says :

      Kill-u-a is my home-brewed version of Kahlua. Back in college when I wasn’t drinking cheap bourbon or cheap beer, I liked the taste of a White Russian, but the cost of Kahlua was not in my budget so we learned how to make our own. Over the years I turned it into a tradition and hand-painted bottles. They were great to give as gifts. Back then, health was at the bottom of my list of priorities (it wasn’t even on the list). Now I don’t drink coffee, sugar or alcohol. I had a stockpile of nice coffee beans from past vacations. Plus, from my love of cooking, I had acquired a lot of fancy sugars, that I don’t eat anymore. Made sense to brew up another batch. I like painting the labels. I wish I had photographed every label I ever painted. They’re all unique. I don’t endorse anyone drink the stuff, but people still consume booze, sugar and coffee even if I don’t. This batch uses coffee from Zihuatanejo, Mexico, and Ecuador, Madagascar bourbon pure vanilla extract, a pinch of raw cocoa, caster sugar, muscovado sugar, dark brown and white sugar. The alcohol is 190 proof Everclear. “Aged” the traditional 6 days before bottling. If my situation improves, bootlegging Killua may become my livelihood. No, I’ll have to come up with a healthy drink, instead.

      • Rob says :

        Killua is an awesome brew — I’ve had some before. Ken, I think the reading glasses make you look “wiser” but I am praying for your continued peace and comfort, friend!

      • Mark Knockemus says :

        Hmmm…I think I saw this same recipe being used during one of the episodes of ‘Moonshiners’ on the Discovery channel!

        Are those bottles for sale?
        – Mark

      • Linzy says :

        Thanks Ken for the response. I have a few other questions for you, if you do not mind….do you make the alcohol part yourself as well? Is the coffee organic? What is caster sugar made from?

      • Ken says :

        Linzy, there are no redeeming qualities to this beverage even though the beans I used were organic. The alcohol is just purchased pure grain alcohol. None of those sugars are good for you. Caster is just super-fine. I only made this batch of Killua so I could use up ingredients that I avoid consuming now. I shouldn’t push it on my friends, but I guess my moral standards aren’t as high as I might portray them to be here.

  2. Carol Weddington says :

    Count me in for a bottle of Kill-u-a!

  3. Sister says :

    Hoping family gets first dibs on this evil brew. I don’t expect the family discount, just an advantage 😉 we love our other two bottles and would love to add to the collection, artwork is amazing. I love you!!

  4. Andrea says :

    I’ll be thinking of you- I hope you’re feeling better soon and those white blood cell counts start matching!

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